There is the need for a pretty consistent mediator in the lives of the recovering couple. Why do I say that? Well, for one thing, their reactivity is high. They are sensitive people to the approval and disapproval of one another. As a result, if you have a sponsor you can go running to in order to put a pause between reactive feelings and verbal outpourings, a person is more likely to have a chance to sort things out and go back to the relationship with a sane and productive approach. As they say, "restrain of pen and tongue". That doesn't mean you have to zip it, it means you have to restrain it. Most couples are just letting it rip and severely underestimating their negative impact on each other.
A sponsor can tell you when you are selfish or irrational, a doormat or a masochist. They may not use those exact words, but you know what I mean. How many times have you gone off half-cocked on your partner in the name of "self-expression" only to have to eat crow and make a big amends for that? Well, your sponsor is there for you to say what you would like to say to your partner, and for them to help you say it in a way that doesn't sucker punch them. A sponsor can also help you to sort out where your ego is getting involved with your reactions and see the other person's position, also called "sanity".
If it isn't going to be a sponsor to help you put a big pause between your thoughts and your spoken words, then a therapist can help, a best friend, a meeting, or someone else you know that you can trust to be sympathetic to your woes, but isn't invested in colluding with your shenanigans. At the end of the day, if you are in a recovering relationship and you don't have a posse of support to help you hold back your reactive impulses, then you better have plenty of ways to apologize for which your partner is on board. More about apology styles later. For now, though, think about who is in your posse and what you might need to beef that up.
Upcoming events to be announced.